During the holiday season, many people experience a mix of emotions. While it is often seen as a time for joy and togetherness, it can also be difficult for those dealing with grief and loss. Houston Methodist Chaplain John Lind spoke about the different ways grief can appear during this period.
“There is a broad range of feelings and behaviors associated with grief, and because of this, there are lots of misconceptions about what grief should look or feel like,” said Lind. “One person may express their grief as deep sorrow and weeping, while others may show anger or experience feelings of numbness.”
Lind explained that it is common to go through various stages and emotions after a loss. “It’s also common to move through stages and experience a range of emotions as you cope with a loss,” he added. “As chaplains, we really try to meet a person where they’re at in their grief for this reason.”
Grief can take many forms beyond what most people expect. According to Lind, types include uncomplicated (or normal) grief, complicated grief that lasts longer than usual, sudden or traumatic loss, anticipatory grief before an expected death, disenfranchised grief that isn’t recognized by others, and chronic grief that continues over time.
“Grief can be especially intense during the holidays for many reasons,” Lind said. “The holiday season is often when we gather with loved ones, and there are lots of memories attached to how we spend it. When loved ones are no longer with us, the family system can shift dramatically to where other family members no longer prioritize gathering in the same way.”
“We all long for some type of connection, sense of belonging and relationship, and grief can change all of those things,” he added.
Lind offered several suggestions for supporting those who are grieving:
He advised including grieving individuals in holiday plans but not pressuring them if they decline invitations. “Let others know they are included, but if they decline, it’s important to give space for that,” said Lind. He noted that smaller gatherings might feel less overwhelming than larger ones.
For those experiencing loss themselves, Lind recommended setting boundaries regarding social invitations: “Communal support can be helpful during the holidays, but it can also be difficult,” he said. “Listen to what you feel you need. Give yourself permission to decline but try not to decline every invitation. Sometimes working up the courage to get out and do things is the hardest part, but when you get up and out, you realize it was actually nice to be around supportive people.”
He suggested using anchoring practices such as journaling or spending time in nature to help stay grounded.
Lind also encouraged balancing feelings of sadness with gratitude: “As you realize the ‘lasts’ this holiday season, find a way to prioritize time spent with that person, giving thanks and allowing yourself to feel the emotions that go along with it,” he said. “At the very least, it can be a way for you to process and prepare.”
Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses may help reduce isolation during this time: “When it comes to grieving, it’s a process to be moved through that’s not necessarily linear… It can help to connect with some of the people who are also grieving with you. A simple text or phone call goes a long way during this time of year,” Lind stated.
Finally, Lind emphasized knowing when professional support may be necessary: “Relationships are so impactful on us that grief can sometimes be overwhelming and disrupt every sense of what to do,” he said. “Grief counseling can be a real difference maker and can serve as a pathway to healing and hope.” He added: “Seeking grief support is never a sign of weakness.”
